“Would you like to sign for clean energy in Portland?” I was standing on my knees yesterday, clipboard in hand, at eye level with a lady in a patio chair. She was waiting to watch the St. Johns parade.
“Sure.” My heart rejoiced.
But then many other people had already been asked, or were from out of town, or simply declined to sign.
I sat forlornly on my front porch yesterday afternoon, feeling like a failure. Everyone else in our EcoFaith group had gathered more signatures at the parade than I did. And I haven’t been writing these blog posts half as often as I’d planned.
Still slumped on the sunny porch, I got an email from Lenny Dee.“573 signatures gathered at the St Johns parade — by Climate Jobs”. I felt withered inside that EcoFaith had gathered less than 20% that number.
I want us to be stars. I want our faithfulness to God to shine through in a world so secular, so divorced from Spirit, it can stun me with sadness.
In the evening, I finally prayed. Sometimes I cry when I pray. Sometimes hard. Here is what I know to be true:
God wants me to be faithful. That may or may not look success in worldly terms, especially on any given day.
There is a much bigger picture I am part of, that God authors, that I generally cannot see. When I indulge in feelings of competitiveness, I am giving in to the mainstream mind-set of higher-than/lower-than.
God does not see me, or EcoFaith, in that way at all. God’s love and acceptance are beyond my human ken. And, God’s people are historically on the margins, in the minority. We are in community with each other, and that comforts me hugely.
I’ll soon go to church, and ask fellow congregants for signatures after the service. I know many of you are doing the same thing. Thank you!
Most important, I’ll train Brian, my Lincoln Street Green Team pal, on how to gather signatures, and give him his kit. Then my husband Thor and I are going across the river to work the lines outside the Timbers game from 11 to 12.
I will try to not feel competitive. Maybe you could pray for me. This is a little harder than I’d thought.
Please let me and my co-chair Scott know what you need from us to be supported in your own signature-gathering, whatever form it is taking.
In a separate email I’ll tell about opportunities for signature-gathering at public events.
Faith and thanks,
Co-chair, EcoFaith arm of Portland Clean Energy Fund (PCEF) campaign
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